04 agosto 2007

I am dying (and you too).

Recently I have turned 37, and I feel it's time to speak about life and death.

It comes a day you should admit you are not immortal. Ok. No worry. You know this fact since you were 7, 8? Everyone has to die. Grey hair? Very George Clooney, no problem. But when you begin to notice the first spider veins, you have no Clooney to hide behind. You're simply aging. When you are 93, statistically you are nearer to death, but you ought to be resigned, although some examples (Donald Crowdis, Mario Monicelli) have different opinions. No one is really prepared enough.

Things I would do having an unlimited amount of time: studying Alexander technique, studying japanese to understand the original soundtrack of Miyazaki's Future Boy Conan, etc... I think about learning something as a good way to use your time because I spent most of my life studying (and you can't be studying without dying), but feel free to change "studying" with "traveling" or whatever you like.

I hate to admit it, but I am afraid of death, the loss of consciousness being the most dreaded feature. Some people hate the very idea that the world, after their death, will be revolving exactly the same way as before. I am more consciousness-centric: and seeing Blade Runner ("All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain") haven't lift my mood.

Vanitas vanitatum. Is there something really worth? Maybe not, but some moments of joy can be really precious, so treasure them.

To keep me focused to miss no precious moment I think about things I will do if I am going to live until 81. Life is so short. 81 years are roughly 29,000 days (yes, lifespan IS that short). If I am going to live until 81, I have 44 years left. 16,000 days. 2,300 weeks. 528 months. I have suddenly realized I never saw a new moon. Do I have 528 chances left? Sometimes I need to take deep breaths.

Life's a bitch, then you die? So, the question is: why procreate? Because we have to (yes, this is why you think about sex so often), and because fail to do so will be the hardest form of censorship. And after all that I said, I still think that live and die is far better than not having a life at all.

So what's the (today's) bottom line? See the life instructions sign above (thanks, Chris!): after 10^40 years from now neither "our" protons will survive: let's have fun.

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