08 dicembre 2006

School for parents, round #4

Intimacy in couples, by Prof. R. Giommi

1) Intimacy: intimacy begins during childhood and grows as a "magic circle": intimacy with self; intimacy with others, we bring ourselves as a gift, to give someone the child within, who none ever understood. Bodily confidence, then physical contact. Is very important to teach respect for others bodies: before I could touch you, I have to ask for permission, even not in a straightforward way (i.e.: asking), but shortening the physical distance and observing the feedback. It is important that a child don't feel the distance. Keep physical distance with the children could keep them untrusty.

2) When we choose our partner, often the unconscious plays a preminent part. A typical error is touching the other the wame way we like to be touched. You have to keep patience (which is easier if you like your partner). The game is to melt different tastes. Comes helping the concept of "Pedagogic syndrome" (aka "I will change you"). Killing others passions is not good for intimacy.

3) Sexuality should be like opening the pleasure room, not the woes room. As pleasure, you can subtract the sexuality term from the amount of total pressure in a given day; otherwise you have to sum it. To live a good sexuality you have to think about your partner before the intercourse. Sexuality has two meanings, (a) have fun and (b) have relationships. Here the teacher suggests we draw a pie chart with the sexuality parts (french kiss, intercourse, ecc.) and confront it with the partners pie chart.

Have fun: from emotions. Even a one way love is a good thing, because is better than love no one.

Have relationships: learn to manage a relationship: what do you like at most? Please, don't feel bad about this question. I have to ask, for our pleasure, not to demonstrate you don't communicate sufficently well. You have to answer, for our pleasure, and you shold not blame me for not be a wizard.

4) Listen: learning the "neuter listening": in which I really listen for my partner, and even after years, I have to listen my partners words to understand what he is saying, putting apart the bad feeling about knowing our partner better he/she could ever knows him/herself. During sexuality the worst case is to feel alone. We have to correct our errors, otherwise they will travel from one generation to another.

This is the final meaning of this School: if you become a better person, your child will grow better.

Don't tell your children about your (frustrated) sexuality. They will grow fearsome.

Note: This is the first lesson in which the teacher gave indication about parents behavior.

Stay tuned for the italian translation.

brb next year.

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